The Date Rape Drug Adventure (A Mediocre Poem)

It was a bright sunny night in the afternoon.
And I wanted to get some poon.
So I went out to my local bar.
Finding my way by asking OnStar.

Because mapquest happened to be down.
And I know you'll say "what about google?".
This, as weird as it may sound.
I fucking hate google... fuck google. (thanks for the free blog though)

Once I finally made my way there.
I looked around for my friends.
And not as if you would care.
I uh... don't have any.

I sat by myself, drinking into sadness.
But a surprise, a woman bought me a drink.
A rare occurrence, it was madness.
I didn't even stop to think.

She was way too attractive.
Big ol' titties, you could call them lactive.
There's no way I could escape from her gaze.
A score like this would usually take... months.

Being courteous I drank the MG64.
To increase my chances of using her back door.
We left the bar, to find my car was stolen.
She could tell by my pants that my pride was swollen.

She said she'll drive, and go back to her place.
I hid the look that came on my face.
While driving she said her name was Lucy.
And informed me that my beer was roofied...

I was overcame by anger and then I...

I never wanted to be raped by a girl.
This will probably go unreported.
But at least I'm not the only one in the world.
Though now, I wish I had been aborted.

She drove me to an orgy, outside of town.
I woke up, and then came around. (get it?)
So it turned out it she wasn't so awful.
Though asking me would've been thoughtful.

A few days later I had to piss.
My stream was still split, continuing to miss.
But holy fuck, why does this hurt?
Felt like my dick was pushing out dirt.

I went to the doctor to get a check up.
I waited for him to stop fondling my crotch.
When he did, I had to piss in the cup.
Then I went home to a fifth of scotch.

The very next day I get a call back.
He told me to "come in so I can see ya."
I once again had to pull out my sack.
And he told me I had gonorrhea...

herpes, chlamydia, a new form of hepatitis, crabs, syphilis, and genital warts.

And AIDS.

The lesson here:
I'm a perverted Dr. Seuss (and orgies are bad unless everyone involved has a check up done before hand and shows the proof to the director of the orgy).