If they're walkers, cool.
If they're Olympic sprinters...
Shotgun suicide.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Masturbating, a (terrible, offensive, disgusting, etc.) poem.
I'm not going to lie, this one is pretty bad.
I should really look at myself in a mirror.
It's time, it's 10 O'clock,
And your waiting for your chance.
You pull out your cock.
And then pull off your pants.
I realize that's a strange order,
to do those things in.
But I've crossed that border,
And now it's time to begin.
But oh shit, what's that noise?
Foot steps towards your door.
Time to put away your toys...
Wait... what?
It's okay, I wont judge your material.
That you probably got from a box of cereal.
Though I'm going in the wrong direction.
We left off at foot steps killing an erection.
They came near, and passing never quicker.
Why can't your room be at the end of the hallway?
It's because of your stubborn sister.
Your parents love her more, so she gets her way.
You wait for a while til you think it's safe.
And for some reason you get butt naked.
You pull out some lotion, so you don't chafe.
And look online for something X rated.
You search japanese, and that's revealing.
It's strange you find tentacles appealing.
But like I said, I still won't judge.
Unless you like to watch dudes pack... boxes.
You stop your search, realizing that's fucked up.
Ignorance allows you to click 2 girls and 1 cup.
It seems at nice at first, 2 girls in the nude.
Accompanied by a charming piano tune.
But things take a sinister turn.
When you see the view of anus and glass.
Poo slides out and you start to squirm.
And now you feel like such an ass.
The sight is unbearable, you start to gag.
Who thought this was achievable?
Your boner begins to sag.
So gross, and unforeseeable.
You hurry and click another link.
You didn't look or decide to think.
But foot steps again draw near.
And what you clicked will make you look queer.
Someone begins to turn the knob.
While on your screen there's gay butt sex.
Now you look like gay Bob,
Though the situation is complex.
But there you are nude in a chair.
You find your uncle is the intruder.
But he doesn't seem to care.
Because he has been... lewder.
You wake up the following day.
Get up and get something to eat.
While everyone is bowing to pray.
Your uncle gives you a wink...
I realize this is a bit arousing.
So please don't offer hugs.
Though I'll welcome all espousing.
But just know I wrote this on... nothing.
I was sober.
I should really look at myself in a mirror.
It's time, it's 10 O'clock,
And your waiting for your chance.
You pull out your cock.
And then pull off your pants.
I realize that's a strange order,
to do those things in.
But I've crossed that border,
And now it's time to begin.
But oh shit, what's that noise?
Foot steps towards your door.
Time to put away your toys...
Wait... what?
It's okay, I wont judge your material.
That you probably got from a box of cereal.
Though I'm going in the wrong direction.
We left off at foot steps killing an erection.
They came near, and passing never quicker.
Why can't your room be at the end of the hallway?
It's because of your stubborn sister.
Your parents love her more, so she gets her way.
You wait for a while til you think it's safe.
And for some reason you get butt naked.
You pull out some lotion, so you don't chafe.
And look online for something X rated.
You search japanese, and that's revealing.
It's strange you find tentacles appealing.
But like I said, I still won't judge.
Unless you like to watch dudes pack... boxes.
You stop your search, realizing that's fucked up.
Ignorance allows you to click 2 girls and 1 cup.
It seems at nice at first, 2 girls in the nude.
Accompanied by a charming piano tune.
But things take a sinister turn.
When you see the view of anus and glass.
Poo slides out and you start to squirm.
And now you feel like such an ass.
The sight is unbearable, you start to gag.
Who thought this was achievable?
Your boner begins to sag.
So gross, and unforeseeable.
You hurry and click another link.
You didn't look or decide to think.
But foot steps again draw near.
And what you clicked will make you look queer.
Someone begins to turn the knob.
While on your screen there's gay butt sex.
Now you look like gay Bob,
Though the situation is complex.
But there you are nude in a chair.
You find your uncle is the intruder.
But he doesn't seem to care.
Because he has been... lewder.
You wake up the following day.
Get up and get something to eat.
While everyone is bowing to pray.
Your uncle gives you a wink...
I realize this is a bit arousing.
So please don't offer hugs.
Though I'll welcome all espousing.
But just know I wrote this on... nothing.
I was sober.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
The Date Rape Drug Adventure (A Mediocre Poem)
It was a bright sunny night in the afternoon.
And I wanted to get some poon.
So I went out to my local bar.
Finding my way by asking OnStar.
Because mapquest happened to be down.
And I know you'll say "what about google?".
This, as weird as it may sound.
I fucking hate google... fuck google. (thanks for the free blog though)
Once I finally made my way there.
I looked around for my friends.
And not as if you would care.
I uh... don't have any.
I sat by myself, drinking into sadness.
But a surprise, a woman bought me a drink.
A rare occurrence, it was madness.
I didn't even stop to think.
She was way too attractive.
Big ol' titties, you could call them lactive.
There's no way I could escape from her gaze.
A score like this would usually take... months.
Being courteous I drank the MG64.
To increase my chances of using her back door.
We left the bar, to find my car was stolen.
She could tell by my pants that my pride was swollen.
She said she'll drive, and go back to her place.
I hid the look that came on my face.
While driving she said her name was Lucy.
And informed me that my beer was roofied...
I was overcame by anger and then I...
I never wanted to be raped by a girl.
This will probably go unreported.
But at least I'm not the only one in the world.
Though now, I wish I had been aborted.
She drove me to an orgy, outside of town.
I woke up, and then came around. (get it?)
So it turned out it she wasn't so awful.
Though asking me would've been thoughtful.
A few days later I had to piss.
My stream was still split, continuing to miss.
But holy fuck, why does this hurt?
Felt like my dick was pushing out dirt.
I went to the doctor to get a check up.
I waited for him to stop fondling my crotch.
When he did, I had to piss in the cup.
Then I went home to a fifth of scotch.
The very next day I get a call back.
He told me to "come in so I can see ya."
I once again had to pull out my sack.
And he told me I had gonorrhea...
herpes, chlamydia, a new form of hepatitis, crabs, syphilis, and genital warts.
And AIDS.
The lesson here:
I'm a perverted Dr. Seuss (and orgies are bad unless everyone involved has a check up done before hand and shows the proof to the director of the orgy).
And I wanted to get some poon.
So I went out to my local bar.
Finding my way by asking OnStar.
Because mapquest happened to be down.
And I know you'll say "what about google?".
This, as weird as it may sound.
I fucking hate google... fuck google. (thanks for the free blog though)
Once I finally made my way there.
I looked around for my friends.
And not as if you would care.
I uh... don't have any.
I sat by myself, drinking into sadness.
But a surprise, a woman bought me a drink.
A rare occurrence, it was madness.
I didn't even stop to think.
She was way too attractive.
Big ol' titties, you could call them lactive.
There's no way I could escape from her gaze.
A score like this would usually take... months.
Being courteous I drank the MG64.
To increase my chances of using her back door.
We left the bar, to find my car was stolen.
She could tell by my pants that my pride was swollen.
She said she'll drive, and go back to her place.
I hid the look that came on my face.
While driving she said her name was Lucy.
And informed me that my beer was roofied...
I was overcame by anger and then I...
I never wanted to be raped by a girl.
This will probably go unreported.
But at least I'm not the only one in the world.
Though now, I wish I had been aborted.
She drove me to an orgy, outside of town.
I woke up, and then came around. (get it?)
So it turned out it she wasn't so awful.
Though asking me would've been thoughtful.
A few days later I had to piss.
My stream was still split, continuing to miss.
But holy fuck, why does this hurt?
Felt like my dick was pushing out dirt.
I went to the doctor to get a check up.
I waited for him to stop fondling my crotch.
When he did, I had to piss in the cup.
Then I went home to a fifth of scotch.
The very next day I get a call back.
He told me to "come in so I can see ya."
I once again had to pull out my sack.
And he told me I had gonorrhea...
herpes, chlamydia, a new form of hepatitis, crabs, syphilis, and genital warts.
And AIDS.
The lesson here:
I'm a perverted Dr. Seuss (and orgies are bad unless everyone involved has a check up done before hand and shows the proof to the director of the orgy).
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