Before We Start...
First off, I almost feel as if I should not be writing this because I do not own the game. But, I've at least put up to 12 hours of play time on my friends game (this really cut into "Wilber's special time") so on that note, I will anyways (I already put the effort into the last two sentences).
COD: BO
I was pretty excited for the release of the next call of duty game, even if it was Treyarch (A game developing company that I fucking hate). All of the previews looked excellent, they even featured one of Eminem's singles on one. Okay, I really wasn't that excited that a white man spoke in rhymes at a fast pace with computer made beats, but the graphics, game play, and the fact that it was a CoD game caught the shit out of my attention. Hell, I remember when CoD: Modern Warfare 2 came out, I was standing outside of my local gamestop for a couple hours in line to pick it up (getting tons of pussy).
I know what you're thinking. "Wow what a fagot, who would wait outside in a huge line to play a stupid game". Yeah, I 'm reading your mind. I know where you are. I'll find you. But before that, I played the game that would start this CoD revolution, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. Okay this is where I feel a little nerdy... I have at least 30 days of play time on CoD4 alone. Meaning, time I was actually shooting shit, not when I just left the game on and went to sleep. Once again, I know what you're thinking "Wow get a life, you fuckin' nerdy virgin". But that's where you'd be wrong, I'm not actually a virgin. Sure there was a court case, but I was acquitted, so let's not worry about that. Well as I was saying, I spent a lot time playing this game, and honing my skills. So no matter what, my mind has been set on playing the newest installment.
OMG, I'm liek soooo excited.
Yeah, seriously. Once again I'll mention I am too poor to afford the game, but I knew my friend would be bringing his copy from the midnight release, so I was still pretty excited, even If I was only going to watch. Kinda like a lesbian midget orgy, you know watching is gonna be awesome, but you can wait to join in (because your penis/vagina will seem huge in their tiny little hands). He started playing the campaign, and it was amazing. It was completely cinematic, the graphics, voice acting, and story were top notch. I about came when I thought about the lesbian midget orgy, and also really liked the single player campaign on BO (yeah, I'm just going to call it BO for now on).
He got through about four missions before we agreed that he should switch to online multiplayer. This where I though would be the absolute best part of the game. CoD4 was by far the best multiplayer experience I have ever experienced in my experiences. It was beautiful, it played so well, and I played it for over a year. Then there was a shitty game called CoD: World at War. Which ripped off CoD4 and somehow made it shittier. Then, another year later MW2 came out. I wasn't addicted to it as much as I was to CoD4, but it was definitely appealing, and everyone was playing it.
But MW2 was ruined by the lack of beta testing. They said their internal tests should clear up any bugs before release... and it didn't. It was nearly unplayable for the first month, after every thirteen year old found the glitches. Fortunately, they fixed most of it, and it was playable again. I uh... liked it enough to put about 7 days worth of play time in it. Fuck you. I even made some videos of me playing because I'm way too nerdy and have way too much time on my hands. What I liked to do most out of all of the games was something called "quick scoping". I'd rather not get into the details, but writing is mainly about details, so here are the details detailing "quick scoping".
Yeah I'm a little too lazy to explain how quick scoping works, so there's a video. Though I will give a brief explanation to whoever didn't watch it. Basically I take a sniper rifle and rape anyone I see with it, no matter where they are. I'm soo good with it, that Hitler thought I could commit the genocide by myself with it, I was basically a pro.
Previously...
I didn't start playing Call of Duty games until CoD4, and they have been very competitive and fun at the same time. There are so many different weapons, perks, maps and ways to play. It's like some sort of awesome, nerdy buffet. That was CoD4 in a nutshell. Then there was CoD World at War. Which sucked for the most part, it was just like CoD4, except uh... not as good. The campaign was good, but only because Jack Bauer was in it (I no longer refer to him as Kiefer Sutherland). Multiplayer copied CoD4, but failed. Some people like it, but since my opinion is fact, it sucked.
Then there was MW2. This was a very anticipated release, and has made over 1 billion dollars to date. Somehow. Like I mentioned earlier, the game was riddled with more problems than Jay Z (and still, a bitch ain't one). But I toughed it out, and most of the things I didn't like were fixed or "patched" as it is commonly called in the online gaming world. So once it was playable again, you can bet I was playing more than I would like to admit, and I've admitted a lot of terrible, terrible things.
Fuck, goddammit Treyarch.
Seriously, this game looked better than a lesbian midget orgy (reoccurring joke, you like that?). I was even more hyped up after watching the single player campaign being played. Then, multiplayer happened. At first it seemed pretty good, much like the rest of the CoD games (excluding WaW), there was the usual FPS faults, but other than that, it seemed good. Then I finally unlocked the only bolt action sniper rifle. It was a one shot kill to the entire torso, upper arms, and neck/head. It doesn't tell you this, but I did my research before hand (remember, I have so much free time, and so little friends. I mean I have little friends, as in lesbian midgets). So naturally, me loving to quick scope and whatnot, I was pretty excited to unlock this weapon. Turns out, Treyarch loves quick scoping as much as the KKK love black people.
So, I was completely disappointed. Quick scoping was almost the only way I liked to play. Sure I could do well by just using the most over powered weapon in the game. There's a satisfaction that I can't seem to articulate. It's like losing your virginity every time you get a good quick scope. And when you steal the kill feed (a list of who killed who at the bottom left of the screen), it's like losing your virginity at a lesbian midget orgy. But for whatever reason, Treyarch, decided that they didn't like that and took it out. So now not only can you not quick scope, but sniping like a pussy is even gimped. Okay, so say before, when you scoped in, your bullet would land where ever the cross hair was aimed. Now, even though you see the cross hair up, it still flies off in a random direction in front of you until about half a second has passed. Now to people who don't play games like this, half a second in a FPS is a very long time. It is easily the difference between winning an engagement, or losing.
Well, fuck it...
Like I said, it's still kinda fun. Even though that one little thing kills almost all of the appeal to me. I'll just keep my hopes up, and maybe a new patch will come out, once again allowing me to pwn people like I'm Oswald, and get pwned like I'm in a car with no roof.
Editors note: I need an editor.
No comments:
Post a Comment